Review: Indianapolis 500-Mile Race

A point: the flyover this year was the coolest I've seen at any event. Let's keep going for classics like the B-25s from yesterday in future years.

So the Greatest Spectacle in Racing has run its course once again. I'm sitting in my computer chair, still swollen up like Jabba the Hutt with awful(ly tasty), greasy food and beer and watching the 500 Victory Banquet on Channel 13. Helio Castroneves just pocketed over three million dollars -- hopefully his accountants crunch the numbers absolutely correctly on this one. The Kleenex advertising department NEEDS to be watching this and looking to throw the company name on the car.

I'm actually going to go ahead and start with my picks and predictions, all of which were completely wrong. Briscoe would've had a shot had Team Penske not made an uncharacteristic mistake on air pressures or something like that, which forced Ryan to pit under green and go way off-sequence on his pit strategy. My dark horse, Mario Moraes, found himself a little too close to Marco Andretti coming off the first turn and sat in the garage for the next 199 laps. My ninja dark horse, Paul Tracy, couldn't ruin the Hollywood ending this time around after a piece of Tony Kanaan's car broke something in the undertray of Tracy's car.

Even my Danica Watch proved deathly wrong. Of course, if you watched ABC's coverage of the race, you already know absolutely everything about every second of her day. If you didn't watch, she finished third. She didn't do anything spectacular, as I predicted, but the folks in front of her did a lot of things spectacular in the pit lane while she and her team did almost everything right.

Some other notes from the race:

-I couldn't see this from my post in Stand B, but I caught it on the TV broadcast. While there were some large amounts of aluminum showing in the grandstands, the best ticket in all of sports was bought many thousands of times over and the infield crowd was HUGE! There were people covering the viewing mounds in Turn 3 and the exit of Turn 4, there were people sitting on the back of the viewing mounds where you can't see the track, and some didn't even get that far and listened to the race on the radio and drank like tailgaters at an IU Football game. The return of the Snake Pit? Perhaps not, but still a great infield atmosphere to be sure. The Speedway needs to take a look at furnishing the infield with more spots where people can go, like they had in the late 80s and early 90s.

-It is going to be a wonderful time when they close Georgetown Road and Sixteenth Street next to the Speedway. Going into the track while people are still trying to drive to the parking lots is an amazingly treacherous venture and, though most seem to behave themselves on the crowded streets, it needs to change. There are a few appeals by local businesses to stop the renovation of the Town of Speedway, but that part of the world really needs to be uplifted and beautified.

And now, The First Annual Yellow Shirt Awards for 500-Mile Race Excellence:

The Lloyd Ruby Award for Bad Luck: Tony Kanaan. Can this guy get a break, seriously? Sometimes it's the weather. Sometimes it's the fact that he's behind really solid drivers and cars. Other times, this happens:



The Salt Walther "Holy !@#$" Award: Vitor Meira, with an assist from Rafael Matos. Let's just have the video do the talking here:



Imagine what went through my head when, after seeing sparks from the corner of my eye, I looked up to look directly into the cockpit of a car as it slid along the wall. Very scary stuff.

The Kevin Cogan Award for Brain Fade at Race Start: Tie between Mario Moraes and Marco Andretti. Marco was running on the outside, only a quarter of the way alongside Moraes at the exit of the first turn of the first lap and was entirely surprised when they collided with each other. One one hand, it was Marco's fault for being there, and on the other, it was Moraes' fault for moving up the track. Since fault belongs to both, it is both of their faults.

The Emerson Fittipaldi Award for Not Being Able To Drive Through Turn 4: Tie between Ryan Hunter-Reay, Graham Rahal, Davey Hamilton, and Nelson Philippe. All four turns at Indianapolis were designed to be the same and, to the outside observer they look the same. Anyone who's ever driven the track will tell you that each turn is wildly different, with Turn 1 usually being cited as the most difficult. However, if you look over the history of the track, you'll find that some of the 500's most spectacular accidents took place at the exit of Turn 4. Dave McDonald's "Skateboard" skidded out of control and exploded there, Swede Savage did a pretty similar thing, and Emerson Fittipaldi skidded into the wall there to ruin a race. In fact, Graham Rahal's accident was a virtual copy of the accident he had last year.

The Al Unser Jr. Award for Emotional Outburst in Victory Lane: Helio Castroneves. This award will soon be named after Helio, as his emotional outbursts in victory lane are quite spectacular. The man is a ball of pure energy and, especially after all of the stuff that's happened to him this year, he should allowed to emote as much as he wants. Which, of course, brings me to my next point...

The Brian Barnhart Award for Not Understanding What Fans Want: Brian Barnhart. The race is over and everyone is happy, and we all know that Helio is going to hop out and climb the fence. But wait! ABC is telling race control that their schedule window is running out and they need an interview. So Brian Barnhart, the chief steward of the race, leaves timing and scoring to try and forcefully direct Helio away from the fence and into the winner's circle with the help of Security Chief Charles. Their minions were even seen placing Helio's steering wheel back on the steering column and shoving Helio back into the cockpit. This brings up a question in my mind:

ARE YOU @!#$ING SERIOUS?!

Here's what I have to say to AB bleeping C: screw off! The Indianapolis 500 was the biggest, baddest sporting event in all the land thirty-two years before ABC was even a radio station. The management of the Speedway does NOT have to bow to the wishes of a broadcaster, especially when that broadcaster has done it's absolute best to destroy the quality of television coverage for the series. They know they have an entirely complicit group of idiots who will bow to their any wish so as not to get bumped off affiliate stations by John Doe and Jane Q. Person and the 6PM local news. Well, you know what? It's time for Tony George, Terry Angstadt, and whoever should be replacing Brian Barnhart need to grow some cajones and either tell ABC to get over themselves or go get someone else to broadcast the race. They used to be one of the 500's great champions, but it might be time for the IMS/ABC partnership to end.

Sorry to end a fine, emotional race on such an angry note, but it needed to be done. Another successful 500 is in the books and we now turn our attention to the IRL season. Indianapolis might have the most well-known race in the country, but it does not have the oldest race. The Milwaukee Mile held its first automotive event in 1903, and it will be hosting another one next Sunday. I'll be back with a live blog then!