Thursday, July 15, 2010

The Proper Reaction When NASCAR Commentators Write About IndyCar...

Just go ahead and laugh your ass off. Seriously, there's no better weight loss program than rolling on the floor when the unholy duo of Hinton and Blount decide to try an article on "them open-wheeled fellers".

For your reading pleasure: Blount's column and Hinton's blog post.

Here's the gist of both of these lovely op-ed columns: IndyCar didn't unveil an actual car; they unveiled a rolling chassis, and we still don't know exactly what it's going to look like.

Let's hit the rewind button, shall we? I think we'll stop in the late 1960s on the near-westside of Indianapolis. See, earlier that decade, fans thought they knew what Indianapolis cars were supposed to look like: gigantic, front-engined things with narrow tires and some poor guy with more cajones than brains desperately hanging onto a giant steering wheel in an effort to drag that monster to the checkered flag. By the end of the decade, the idea of an "Indy Car" was so distorted by the crazy designs that showed up in the '60s that fans wouldn't have been surprised if a rocket-powered hover car had shown up and put down a 200-m.p.h. lap. The point is that, throughout history (until 1997, at least), NOBODY knew what an IndyCar was going to actually look like until it hit the track.

Be it the '60s or 2012, I can tell you what an IndyCar is NOT: a completely spec chassis and body with some stickers thrown on the front that desperately try to convince people that this spaceframe-chassis, aluminum-bodied coupe with a carbureted, pushrod V8 at the front of it is a Toyota Camry. However, I know that may be a little difficult for these NASCAR commentators to comprehend.

Rant over (special thanks to Fuzzy's Ultra Premium Vodka, proud sponsor of Ed Carpenter's #20 car, for helping fuel it). Clear, concise analysis of IndyCar's new strategy probably coming sometime tomorrow...er...later today.

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