Pseudo-Live Blog: Bombardier Learjet 550

I join in just in time to see one of the most prolific stars in the history of professional sports, Shaquille O'Neal, be completely befuddled by an air gun and tire. Shaq...is tall...and can palm an entire IndyCar wheel. We have also been informed that Shaq's feet are indeed larger than Danica Patrick's. As silly as it all is, it's really quite good to see a star of Shaq's caliber bringing attention not only to the IndyCars, but also to one of the series' smaller teams. Good things all around. We're already being slaughtered by commercials featuring Danica...take the good with the annoying, I suppose.

9:23, pre-race
Helio being interviewed in the back of a pickup truck by Jack Arute, who is apparently everywhere tonight. Helio talking of the difficulties of racing at Texas and the virtues of patience in a race such as this.

9:24, pre-race
Bunnies and rainbows Danica being interviewed by Robbie Floyd. She is so positive these days, it makes me sick sometimes...she does understand that beating the Penskes and Ganassis of the world will be a task, though.

9:26, pre-race
On-the-move interview-o-rama! LindyCar Thackston with Dario Franchitti now. Same story on patience and all that stuff. They ran out of pit reporters to put in the trucks, so there are no more to be had.

9:27, pre-race
One of the great things about Eddie Gossage is his one-upsmanship. VERSUS just showed the graphic of the infield of Texas Motor Speedway being able to hold four of the new Cowboys Stadium...take that, Jerry Jones!

9:31, pre-race
Lovely montage of how petulant Marco Andretti can be at times. I really hate this kid sometimes...the replay of last year's incident with Hunter-Reay made me want to drive to Texas and smack him.

9:33, pre-race
Nice explanations by Professor B on the intensity of the banking at Texas and the aerodynamic gizmos put on the car to keep them slow.

9:35, pre-race
Robbie Buhl describes how entirely ridiculous driving around this track in packs can be. Scary stuff if your a driver, but I bet it's soooooo fun.

9:39, pre-race
The wide shots confirm one thing...the crowd tonight is GINORMOUS. Could break 100,000 tonight, for sure.

9:40, pre-race
Shaq: "Ladies and gentlemen, start your engines!!!!!" Very enthusiastic start from the man. All rows "hot". Let's get this sucker started.

9:43, pre-race
Start of second parade lap. Flash bulbs a-poppin' like the Super Bowl. I looooooove night racing.

Lap 1
We are GREEN GREEN GREEN! Dario jumps the crap out of the start. Lead pack jumps away and the field goes crazy behind them. Dario leads lap 1.

Lap 2
YELLOW! Graham Rahal has a brain fade, spins, tags Milka Duno on the way around. Graham looks to be alive after a tough hit...replays forthcoming.

Lap 3
Graham lost the back of the car. Car was waaaaaay loose. Caught poor E.J. Viso, and both of them nailed the back end off of Milka's car. Tough breaks all around.

Lap 6
The booth tries a new angle: blame NASCAR! They're saying the Goodyear rubber from the trucks was not friendly with the IndyCar rubber. Replays show Ed Carpenter had a similar issue as Graham and nearly took out Hideki Mutoh.

Lap 8
Pit stop hilarity from the back of the field. Jacques Lazier obviously not having a good night already and the mechanics are all over the front end.

Lap 9
Jacques Lazier has apparently stretched the throttle cable on the 3G car. retart coming.

Lap 10
GREEN! Single filing for a bit, but Briscoe looks for the lead off of 4!

Lap 12
After nearly clobbering each other, Briscoe has the position.

Lap 16
Marco Andretti all over the outside of three separate cars.

Lap 19
Marco owning the high side against Kanaan. Good stuff for both drivers on the racing.

Lap 22
Mario Moraes, Dan Wheldon, and Danica Patrick having a pretty solid battle for 5th for a little bit. Good ol' Texas racing.

Lap 24
Graham Rahal: "I've never had a car that bad...I was hangin' on for dear life." Really confusing wreck, to be sure.

Lap 28
Jacques Lazier is today's moving chicanery. Someone's gotta pick up the slack for Milka now that she's out.

Lap 33
Matos and Doornbos raced through 1 and 2 with virtually no space between the cars...how do they do this stuff?

Lap 37
Danica apparently had a crazy lift a while back...perhaps an electronics issue or something, that dropped her back a couple of spots.

Lap 40
That issue aside, Danica is still madly fast, catching up with Wheldon.

Lap 43
Ryan Briscoe is pretty darn fast in clean air. Or perhaps Dario is holding back until later on...

Lap 46
Engine cover comes off the back of Mike Conway's car. This kid can't buy luck...

Lap 53
Green flag pit stops starting. A.J. Foyt IV the first taker.

Lap 55
Wheldon and Andretti in the pits. Beats Marco out of pit lane as Danica pulls in.

Lap 58
Briscoe slams the brakes on his way in, beats the Ganassis out of the pits. Helio on his way in as well.

Lap 59
Carpenter last into the pits. A million turns into the front wing and he's back out. Fisher in and out as well.

Lap 62
Lots of traffic in front of Briscoe...Ryan nearly tried a three-wide pass to get by. Chose the better path and went under Scheckter.

Lap 68
Fun with lapped traffic! Briscoe having all sorts of trouble with it.

Lap 72
Jack Arute looking pretty sweaty in the pit lair. Shows the advantages of sportsmanship between teams -- namely not being in the way of a car leaving its pit box.

Lap 76
Dixon to second as Dario can't get through traffic.

Lap 81
Briscoe up over three seconds on the Ganassi guys, as they're stuck in all sorts of traffic.

*A note to Honda: the Odyssey is NOT as cool as the A-Team van, no matter what you try to say. I will fight your entire marketing department over this.

Lap 85
Helio past Dario for 3rd. Marco in on this battle as well, but got caught up behind Carpenter.

Lap 90
Dixon has Helio all over his mirrors for second. VERSUS...not showing it at all. C'mon guys!

Lap 93
The odds on us seeing a "debris caution" are going up with every second Briscoe pulls away from Dixon. Briscoe in traffic right now, though.

Lap 102
Briscoe is making this such a boring race. He's lapped up to 9th place Mario Moraes and he doesn't look to be stopping soon. Lapping Kanaan as I type.

Lap 105
A.J. Foyt IV first taker on green flag stops once again.

Lap 110
Everyone has pitted, it seems, but Briscoe. The man is invincible today....something bad is sure to happen soon...

Lap 112
Castroneves takes lead as Briscoe hits the pit.

Lap 115
Past halfway. Briscoe, Dixon, Helio, Dario, Marco in the top 5.

Lap 117
Helio FLIES past Dixon on the outside. Penske domination all around.

Lap 123
Battle for second heating up again. Helio had to slow up in traffic and Dixon is catching him up a bit.

Lap 129
Ryan Briscoe is making Texas look like a snoozefest. I guess he can be glad about that...the fans might not be, though.

Lap 134
Pass for second! Dixon by as Helio loses some "mo-momentum". Thanks to the booth for that fun bit of vocabulary.

Lap 136
Wooooah. Marco finds some crazy speed and zings by Helio for third. Can he chase down Dixon?

Lap 139
Yes....Andretti did have the speed to catch Dixon. He passed him like Scotty was standing still

Lap 148
Briscoe's car is a happy car, according to Robbie Buhl. No kidding, man.

Lap 151
YELLOW! Yellow for..."debris"! Good work Brian Barnhart, you dumb sack of crap.

Lap 153
Pit stops! Wait....who was first out...Kanaan? Looking to get back on the lead lap? Castroneves got by Dixon for the only position change. There's an A.J. Foyt IV between Briscoe and Marco, but we'll see what happens...

Lap 156
Hideki Mutoh is still shown on pit lane, according to Timing & Scoring. Danica's right-rear tire changer had a slip up on her stop, so she had a bad stop...but no position loss as she was last on the lead lap.

Lap 157
Matos gives it a splash of more fuel. Looks like Rafa is looking to play the fuel game for the remainder of the race. One lap to green...

Lap 160
GREEN! Briscoe fast as always. Marco facing all sorts of pressure from Helio.

Lap 162
Helio and Dixon both past Marco. Can they catch Briscoe, though?

Lap 164
Top five running in line: Briscoe, Helio, Dixon, Marco, Dario

Lap 167
Helio on Briscoe's tail into Turn 1. It could get hairy here soon...

Lap 168
Wheldon looking for fifth from Dario; tries the high side, but Marco's the only guy who's been able to run up there tonight.

Lap 173
YELLOW! Car in the wall off of 2. It's A.J. Quattro. From what I saw, he might've washed up the track and found the wall. Replays as soon as he ad break is over...

Lap 175
Looks like the final pit stops of the day are forthcoming. Tony Kanaan's effort to get on the lead lap might pay off...

Lap 176
Pit Stops! Helio wins off of pit lane! Crowd went pretty crazy as they left the pits. Helio, Briscoe, Dixon, Dario, Marco.

Lap 177
Replays show a huge fuel spill from the rig onto Kanaan's car. No bar-b-ques today, though.

Lap 178
Nice video of the shortest race in Indianapolis history. Johnny Rutherford wins after 102 laps of racing. Johnny is really one of the more underrated drivers in the history of the race. You hear about Mario, A.J, and the Unsers, but not much about Rutherford anymore.

Lap 181
One to go until green. Just under 50 laps to go, which means life is sure to get interesting pretty soon.

Lap 182
Okay, no green...Helio apparently was going too slow out of 2...Barnhart's a clown

Lap 183
GREEN! Ganassis side by side for 3rd, Dixon holds the spot. Briscoe all over Helio looking for the lead.

Lap 185
Top eight in line on the track. Wheldon throws about 900 blocks on Danica...Barnhart sure to come down on that...maybe

Lap 189
Top four in line. Next four...not so much. Marco and Danica trying desperately to get past Wheldon.

Lap 192
Danica really kills Wheldon going into 3 for fifth.

Lap 200
A couple years ago, the race would be over right now. Instead we get more crazy excellence! Helio, Briscoe, Dixon, Dario, Danica.

Lap 204
Danica steadily losing ground on the top four. Looks like the Penskes and Ganassis will be fighting this one out.

Lap 207
Top three now leaving Dario behind. No blue cars allowed in this group...Red is the color of the day.

Lap 209
Marco past Wheldon for sixth.

Lap 213
Fifteen to go, Marco fighting Danica for fifth.

Lap 214
TOO MANY COMMERCIALS! Why can't we do the "presented with limited commercial interruption by..." thing?

Lap 218
Ten to go! Will interesting things happen? Who knows....

Lap 220
The Penskes have left the Ganassis behind...will the Penskes make this an interesting finish?

Lap 223
Danica and Marco still having a great battle for fifth. Can Danica keep her top five streak up?

Lap 227
Can Briscoe catch him up? Probably not...

Lap 228
Briscoe praying for an airstrike now. Helio running off

Checkered Flag!
Helio wins it! Briscoe, Dixon, Andretti, Franchitti, Patrick, Wheldon, Kanaan, Carpenter, Moraes round out the top ten. Good work, all. Fence-climbing time!

I'm going to write a lovely post at some point soon about the fact that these cars can't run next to each other on a track like this. Races in the past would've had about 30 more lead changes in the last ten laps. Not to say Helio's win isn't deserved or something...that'd be a lie. Just saying...it used to be a lot more interesting before it was all messed up by everyone's favorite race director.

My picks, as always, were not correct. Dixon couldn't catch up the Penske cars at the end. Danica spent the last bit of the race battling her teammates and getting blocked by Wheldon. Tony Kanaan did an amazing job getting back on the lead lap, but couldn't move up past his battling teammates.

Next up: The Iowa Corn Indy 250. Iowa is definitely one of the cooler events on the circuit, with good crowds packing the 7/8-mile oval and all sorts of shenanigans taking place on-track. Most importantly, there's little aero involved in passing there -- all about driver skill and horsepower. That will be nice to watch after the last bit of the Texas race...